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We've been close companions for more than 20 years, who has overcome many hardships, which I admire. Yet, she has been often blindsided by others. Her spouse left her, which came as a massive blow. Several of her social circle disappeared during that time, since they had been drawn to him. She was stunned by her deeply. She put in increased attention to be my friend, likely understood more acutely what friendship was.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

In the time since, many of her friends vanished without her being knowing the cause. Her last employer suddenly changed toward her, despite the fact that she had been highly competent, she departed without knowing what had changed.

Current Dynamics

Recently, we've both retired leading to more frequent meetups, however, I feel my position between us is to listen. I introduce topics of conversation and she changes conversation onto things she cares about. Regarding political views, she expresses strong opinions. I try to suggest double-checking information and alternate views.

She is arranging a trip to a nation I know well repeatedly even called home for some time. I attempted to provide advice, but this was unappreciated. She really solely sought me to confirm her choices. I recently returned from four weeks in that place and she wants to meet, however, I hesitate.

Considering the Choices

I am unwilling in this role who abandons suddenly without explanation, yet I doubt she'll truly comprehend the impact of her actions on how I feel about myself. Currently, my state is avoidance mode. What's the best step?

Possible Paths

You could cut and run, yet this is not often a smooth outcome that we desire. But confrontation with a view to resolution requires bravery and readiness from both people.

Experts suggest applying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"The first step involves describing how things go during your discussions. This needs to be based on facts and basically what a recording device would replay. The second is to tell the way it leaves you feeling. There should be no disagreement here. Your feelings are valid, of course. Step three is to question how you are both going to change the interaction between you."

Consider that she also has her own side, meaning you must to stay open to listen to her. A helpful technique is to say your friend:

"Now you talk and I promise to not say anything for a set time."

This can be impactful for promoting understanding.

Key Takeaways

This person may dismiss all you say, since certain individuals hold onto a self-protecting mindset: they maintain a version regarding their experiences they won't let go of since their identity is tied to it being the only thing familiar to them. This is difficult when there seems no easy route with these people, just dead ends. But she may at first react this way before reflecting your perspective. If a resolution isn't found a fix, it provides satisfaction from having been open and direct.